"What's a five letter word for phallus?"
Since NQR has been banned, there have been laments about the fact that Tufts people don’t participate in enough campus-wide activities. This is false. The Tufts Daily creates a campus-wide activity every day through their comics page.
If you say you’ve gone through your entire Tufts career without attempting to blaze through Sudoku in the middle of a lecture, you are a liar. And if in fact you are telling the truth, you cannot deny that you have, at one point, spent half an hour struggling with a seven-letter word for “Sturgeon yielding expensive caviar” during a solo lunch in Carmichael.
By making us look like we’re busy and don’t need friends, the Daily’s Word Jumble is also a wonderful resource for avoiding communication with classmates. It’s just mind tickling enough to distract from the awkward silence of an empty classroom, but not so challenging that you end up in tears.
And if you really feel the need to break the ice, you can always chortle at “Married to the Sea.” Hopefully this will invite someone to ask you why the hell you’re snorting into the newspaper (this is a classic pickup line that has been used many a time at Tufts and it is the reason for many of the relationships you see around campus).
Freshmen, complain all you want about the monstrous hill you have to climb every day to class but just admit it: our campus is tiny. Everything is basically within a fifteen minute walk. Though this keeps our pre-arthritic knees happy and healthy, there are some trade-offs. Our small campus means that our department buildings are closer to each other; but this also means that some of our meetings with our academics occur in neighborhood houses converted into university space.
It’s a little odd that some of Tufts’ department buildings blend a little too easily into the Medford/Somerville neighborhood. But aren’t these houses actually kind of cozy? There’s something oddly comforting about arriving at the Alumni House to inquire about Ex College classes and realizing you have to walk up a driveway and sidle past what looks like your grandmother’s front doorway. The same goes for meeting a mentor at the Fine Arts house or any other university-related building like the Counseling & Mental Health center or the LGBT house. These academic buildings might have odd remnants of domesticity within (bathtubs in the bathrooms, etc), but homesick Jumbos craving the quaintness of American suburbia can get their dose just walking around Mr. Larry’s Neighborhood. Home sweet home.
It's just so far away
Despite the fact that Tufts
is a measly five miles northwest of Beantown, Jumbos rarely leave campus to venture into the city. Is it because we have everything we need in our quaint college town?
Outside sorority girls shopping at Newbury Street for formal wear and Asians running out to Costco for ramen, Jumbos usually stick to the Medford-Somerville campus like prefrosh to their tour guide. In fact, the average Tufts person goes into Boston of their own accord (for personal enjoyment, not for class, internships, or work), only a couple times a semester (read: less than five times)*. In attempts to make themselves feel better about this paltry statistic, Jumbos will complain that they don’t go to Boston enough. If and when they see other Jumbos heading downtown, they will exclaim, “Ugh, I should really go into the city more.” They will promise to make city-themed plans. Then, they will walk to Carmichael and order a bowl of do-it-yourself stir-fry.
Boston is a great city. If you need further convincing, please direct yourself to YouTube and search “jack’s opening.” So why is it that Jumbos rarely go into the city? Probably out of fear that someone will stab them to death in Chinatown. I mean, have you read the safety rankings?!
*Based on extremely accurate data that is way too substantial to be posted online.