40. Dubstep

W0mp w0mp w0mp w0mp

For a school that idolizes its a capella groups over any of its sports teams, music taste is something both highly coveted as well as severely judged. The same guy who might share your penchant for Kid Cudi might become a mortal enemy when he starts hating on Erykah Badu. Thus, the dichotomy of music taste on this campus has led to separate factions of audiophiles. You’ve got the Top 40 fans who frequent frats, the folksy followers of indie rock who live in the WMFO station, the NECdual degree lovers of Bach, and many, many more.

The one unifier between all these groups? Dupstep, the clean, mean, genre of the new decade. Sure, it’s been around for a while, but dupstep has only recently made it into the mainstream. Consider tonight’s dupstep party in the Crane Room hosted by Midnight at Tufts and a similar party hosted by ATO earlier this semester. It appears that the phat, phat beats of Nero and Sub Focus are enough to bring even the most straight-laced Jill and the preppiest Bub out from their hiding places and into the spotlight. Thick bass, dusty reverb… it’s an audial orgasm for the masses and Tufts people can’t get enough.

39. Inclement Weather

© Dilys Ong

Thanks, Atlantic Ocean; thanks, global warming; thanks Wicked Witch from Narnia. All the snow, rain, and sleet is so much appreciated! Not.

When last month went on record as the third snowiest January in Boston’s history, Tufts people were either elated or distraught. As a recent Tufts Daily column mentioned, the former group generally hailed from the West Coast. Indulging their childish fantasies, they built a village of igloos around campus as well as a small series of snow men.

Midwesterners, as the column also mentioned, were the most at home. Though fiercely aggressive at times, the snow storms that caused an early dismissal and a snow day were beautifully reminiscent of the winter plains of Iowa or the Arctic Tundra that is Minnesota. These Tufts people made it known to others that no matter how bad things got, weather-wise, it would never top the wintry hell that their families were experiencing back home. (However annoying, there is truth to those statements. With a snowfall of 26.1 inches in the month of February alone, the city of Chicago is close to breaking an all-time record of Worst Place To Live In Winter Ever.)

Tufts students hailing from the Northeast led the Jumbos with a steady round of complaints. The first few months of 2011 has not spared a soul of leaky boots, moldy socks, and runny noses. And though the onslaught of snow seems to have taken a break for the time being, future shitstorms are always on the horizon. Ex. A) The wind is currently PMSing.

38. Friends of friends

*Ethnic diversity*

Thanks to its School of Engineering, Tufts has managed to avoid the typical title of the “small liberal arts college.” …But just barely. With an undergraduate population of 5,111, Tufts is certifiably tiny. Sure, it’s double or triple the size of your average American high school, but that’s hard to remember when you see the same damn kid with the purple parka on your way to Arabic every week.

With the hundreds of student groups and activities on campus, it’s easy to meet a good portion of the student population (in all honesty, if there was ever a TV show filmed about Tufts, it would probably be called The Six Degrees of Larry Bacow). Even if you don’t directly know someone, it’s safe to say that you know someone who knows them. In other words, every Jumbo just seems like another friend of a friend. Ever meet someone in real life and realize that you’ve stalked their profile pictures already? Yikes.

Of course, there are a few Jumbos who could stand a couple hundred more classmates to help fill the bleachers at football games, but the majority of Jumbos are pretty complacent about Tufts’ size. Sure it makes walking into class awkward when you realize you’ve hooked up with your lab partner already, but college is all about establishing relationships, right? Might as well make the most of this minuscule campus and introduce yourself to that hottie in the campus center. Don’t be nervous; you probably have 76 mutual friends.

37. Off-Campus Housing

This ol' house...

After two years of meal plans, RAs, and “quiet hours,” many Tufts people like to venture to the blissful dreamland known to its inhabitants as Off-Campus Housing. This magical place has been heard of in tales passed down from generation to generation. Legends of “The Greatest Party Ever,” and “The Most Awesome Sex I Had While My Roommate Was Still Present” have taken place in this beautiful land.

Although many Jumbos have only dreamed of Off-Campus Housing, it doesn’t mean reaching it is impossible. But be forewarned! The journey to Off-Campus Housing is fraught with peril. Only those brave enough to endure the hardships have attempted it and even fewer have succeeded. If you believe you’re courageous enough, be prepared to meet the following trials en route to glorious Off-Campus Housing:

1. Squirrelly half friends who you only half like but need in order to fill up your house
2. Oil heating
3. Crazy Landlady from Hell
4. Crazy Landfamily Who Lives In The Basement
5. Squirrelly half friends who you only half like because they assume they are living with you when they are not.
6. Lease deadlines
7. Safety deposits
8. Coercing everyone and their mother to sublet from you during winter break
9. Rodents
10. Listening to other Tufts people celebrate when they’ve finally signed their own lease

Once you have endured all these hardships, rejoice! You are one of the few and proud citizens of Off-Campus Party City. Meal plans? Ha! Cooking for yourself is so much resourceful anyway. Turn up that Ke$ha song at 3AM; your housemates certainly won’t care, right? And screw hall snacks; real housemates bond over post-party cleanup sessions.

Might we even suggest… hall sports?

36. Bathroom stall philosophy

Mayer Campus Center, girls bathroom, third stall

Tufts people have wonderfully profound thoughts. Thoughts about academics, race, sexuality, aliens… The list goes on. These thoughts are so great that they must be shared. And what better way to share great thoughts than to do it anonymously (see #10. College ACB)? Enter: the bathroom stall.

Once the Berlin Wall dividing one toilet from another, bathroom stalls around campus now serve as a testament to shared suffering and perseverance. Next time you’re in the campus center taking a piss, take note of the friendly reminder above the toilet paper dispenser, “You can do this!” Or anytime you’re concerned that your genitalia is below average, take note of the artistic impressions Tufts people have left in the Tisch bathrooms. If you ever feel morally bound to voice your feelings about the college hookup culture and are too lazy to attend a Tufts Christian Fellowship meeting or pen a College ACB post, there’s the tally in a campus center stall that keeps track of the “Yays and Nays” towards Tufts’ hookup culture.

As any Jumbo can see, the outlets for anonymous expression are quite numerous on this campus. Want to contribute to the cache of knowledge etched along Tufts’ bathroom stalls? Stick to these rules: keep it simple, keep it classy. And when in doubt, refer to the example below.

“Here I am, brokenhearted
Trying to poop
But only farted”

-Campus center, Men’s bathroom

35. Googling Anthony Monaco

Why, hello there.

When Tufts’ twelfth president announced he would retire at the end of the 2010-2011 academic year, the entire Tufts community let out a collective sigh. For ten years, Larry Bacow stood for everything Jumbos love about Tufts: hard bods on the Rez Quad.

In nearly every Tufts Daily article that mentioned President Bacow’s impending retirement, the phrase “big shoes to fill” was mentioned or implied. So when Oxford‘s Pro-Vice-Chancellor of Planning and Resources (what?), Anthony Monaco, was appointed as Tufts’ next president, it was only natural that everyone freak out.

First of all, the information provided by the university about Monaco was woefully sparce. He was “born in Delaware”? What does that mean? He works at “Oxford.” Does he have an accent? He has “two young sons.” WILL HE LOVE THEM MORE THAN US?!

Jumbos just wanted to get to know Monaco, after all. But even after extensive Google-ing, the future president remained elusive. When he was announced as Bacow’s replacement, he didn’t even have a Wikipedia page, for Adele’s sake. All that Jumbos could garner from the annals of the internet were a Myspace page for his band and pictures that prove future President Monaco bears a striking resemblance to Eugene Levy (American Pie).

It seems Jumbos will have to wait until the next school year to get to know our new papa bear. Until then, Tufts people will just have to be content with Monaco’s Ivy League education and neuroscience street cred. Oh, well.

34. Dave’s Fresh Pasta

OM NOM NOM is really Italian for "Prosciutto and Fig"

Looking for an easy, $8 dollar orgasm? Bad news, all the tickets for the midnight showing of Harry Potter were sold out. Good news? Dave’s Fresh Pasta is open ’till 7:30 on weekdays.

Tufts people love sustainable food production and apparently, Dave’s also a big fan. From weird, organic beer to crazy expensive bacon chocolate, Dave’s Fresh Pasta has Jumbos drooling the minute they hit Davis Square

Make sure you check the pasta bar for delectable samples and the dairy displays for the cute, organic food-loving soccer moms of Somerville.