32. Making plans to visit Boston

It's just so far away

Despite the fact that Tufts is a measly five miles northwest of Beantown, Jumbos rarely leave campus to venture into the city. Is it because we have everything we need in our quaint college town?

Outside sorority girls shopping at Newbury Street for formal wear and Asians running out to Costco for ramen, Jumbos usually stick to the Medford-Somerville campus like prefrosh to their tour guide. In fact, the average Tufts person goes into Boston of their own accord (for personal enjoyment, not for class, internships, or work), only a couple times a semester (read: less than five times)*. In attempts to make themselves feel better about this paltry statistic, Jumbos will complain that they don’t go to Boston enough. If and when they see other Jumbos heading downtown, they will exclaim, “Ugh, I should really go into the city more.” They will promise to make city-themed plans. Then, they will walk to Carmichael and order a bowl of do-it-yourself stir-fry.

Boston is a great city. If you need further convincing, please direct yourself to YouTube and search “jack’s opening.” So why is it that Jumbos rarely go into the city? Probably out of fear that someone will stab them to death in Chinatown. I mean, have you read the safety rankings?!

*Based on extremely accurate data that is way too substantial to be posted online.

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